From Goodbye
by Natersby
Summary: After Sasuke's departure, Kakashi finds himself drawn to memories of the past. Can he overcome the demons of his past?


**A/N **This is based around volume 27 of the manga, or up to episode 136-ish of the anime. However, it refers to the Gaiden series (manga chapters 239 – 244) which aren't in the anime. I recommend that you scout them out and read them first.

**From Goodbye**

Konoha's skies were blue, as usual, yet the tone was icy rather than warm, and matched the lingering chill in the air. A woman wandered by, bundled up in a coat, head hunkered down and arms crossed with gloved hands tucked into the folds to retain warmth. But her body would warm as the sun rose and established its place in the sky. She would forget the cold shadow of the Leaf Village with the day's warmth.

He feared he too would forget it with the suns rise; but he couldn't afford to. He needed to remember. The closer he came to forgetting his past errors, the more likely he was to repeat them. But that realization was too little, too late.

Dressed in his Jounin uniform, he barely noticed the cold, even as it stung at the slash of his face revealed between his mask and headband. Perhaps he had become accustomed to the early morning weather. Or perhaps it matched his spirit so well as to be no more uncomfortable than his own thoughts. He fancied there was an ice spear lodged permanently in his heart that recognised the cold morning winds as kin.

He stood at the centre of a clearing within the forest, tufts of grass fighting for survival where the tread of countless feet had worn it away to dry, sun baked earth. In front of him the stone glimmered as the rising suns rays painted white stripes across the black surface. Its shape was reminiscent of a kunai knife angled blade up towards the sky, framed by a round mosaic of stone.

But the beauty of its construction was not what Hatake Kakashi saw when he looked upon it. Only at close range could you see the countless names carved upon it. His eye was drawn to the name forty-nine rows down and three away from the right hand side, just below the pointed edge. He didn't need to count, though, he knew exactly where it was. To him, the surface was like a window to the past, where the face of a friend long lost shimmered and awaited him every day.

The visit was part of his necessary routine. Get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, visit, and remember. His memories couldn't be refined by time, and he would always run late for the day's engagements. To remember Obito was to recall who he was back then; a confused, arrogant kid who thought he knew it all. And that arrogance had cost his best friend his life.

_What a fool I was. _He shook his head at himself._ And still am. I'm more the fool for having thought I'd gained wisdom over the years. There was nearly another name to join yours, Obito. Thanks to me._

Every day he went there, he wondered what Obito would do, and what Obito would tell him to do, if he were alive now. Like a veil parting, everything would become clearer. He had always felt something of Obito had been transferred to him with his last gift, not just the power of the Sharingan but the power of Obito's personality as well. It was all that separated who he was today from the fool he was back then, and he felt closest to Obito here.

Yet that belief now seemed to be merely a childish daydream, something to comfort himself and dampen his guilt. Obito wouldn't have screwed up, not like this. His actions had shamed Obito's memory. To admit Obito was a part of him was to put a share of the responsibility on his shoulders.

That day he came across Naruto's body, and saw the damage inflicted by Chidori, he didn't blame Sasuke, not for a moment. After all, he had been the one to teach Sasuke the move that could have killed Naruto. He was the one to hand a revenge driven boy a nuclear weapon, without sufficiently crafting his mind first in how he should use it. He had been so naïve, seeing what he wanted to see in Sasuke, just as he wanted to see Obito in himself.

Ever since that day he found Naruto, he had spent more and more time at the memorial stone, trying to make sense of a senseless situation.

There was a rustling in the trees, and a soft step he recognised well approached from behind. He picked up the scent of her drifting to him on the breeze.

"What are you doing here so early?" He asked.

"I came because I wanted to speak to you. I knew you would come here, so I hid in the woods until I saw you. I was going to wait until you were finished but I don't have a lot of time," she confessed.

"Why did you hide?" He asked. "You could have just waited here."

"I thought you might not come if you saw me," she admitted quietly.

"You didn't have to hide from me, Sakura," Kakashi told her with his usual calm, shrouding the alarm he felt. A student should be able to approach their sensei whenever they needed to. He never had to sneak up on Youdaime-Sensei when he wanted to talk to him. "So what do you want to talk about?"

But he already knew what it was. Her long-term crush and teammate had walked away just days ago. He had told her, that last time he saw her when the two rivals had fought on the roof, that everything would go back to normal; but of course that was now proven to be a lie.

What could he tell her? There were no words that could erase the pain born in her heart. He stared intently at the stone, as though the names would configure themselves into the wording of an answer. But no such thing occurred. The voice inside him that belonged to Obito was silent, too, yet somehow accusing. He turned to face her.

"I've wanted to talk to you all week, Kakashi- Sensei, but you never come to the Ichiraku ramen shop, or even pass by. It's because Naruto eats there every day, right?" She didn't wait for an answer. "And you never walk past my house, either, even though it's the shortest route to come here. You've been avoiding me ever since…" She looked down and shook her head, then her eyebrows creased and she looked up fiercely. "The rest of team seven is gone! Naruto is going to train with Jiriaya-Sama for who knows how long. We're the only ones left. And now you're avoiding Naruto and I. Why?"

Kakashi blinked in surprise; it wasn't the accusation he'd expected.

His eyes closed as he gave her a warm smile. "I've just been busy, Sakura, that's all. I've taken on more missions lately because of the low amount of Jounin; you know how things are. Besides, I figured that you wouldn't need my advice since you have the Hokage teaching you now. That's quite an honour."

"Kakashi-Sensei?" Her tone was low. She looked just as she did before she punched Naruto.

"Yes?" he said, readying himself to move.

"A ninja must see through deception. That was one of the first things you taught us." She smiled. "You just tried to flatter me to put me off the scent."

_A few years ago she would have fallen for that easily,_ he thought, his pout hidden by his mask._ I kind of miss those days._

"You've become quite perceptive, Sakura. You really have grown."

"Ha! That didn't work either!"

Kakashi turned away to face the memorial stone._ Have I really been avoiding her and Naruto?_

"You're right," he realised with a start. He hadn't done it consciously, but he had avoided his students. His feet just took him the other way. He unwittingly made up excuses as he did it, like he was taking the scenic route, or he preferred a quiet road, but none of it was true. Every morning, his subconscious gave him a little nudge that sent him walking the other way.

"Listen, Sensei, team seven may have been ripped apart, but that doesn't make everything we've been through meaningless, does it? Just because you're not my teacher anymore, it doesn't mean we shouldn't ever talk," she said. "It doesn't mean we don't need you!"

He gazed at the stone. _What should I do, Obito? She's not the girl whose head I can pat and tell everything's going to be okay anymore. And I'm not the Sensei she looked up to any longer._

"If you don't want to talk to me, fine," she continued. "But Naruto is leaving within the hour, he may not be back for years. You know how he is; he doesn't say anything, but he's taking it personally that you haven't spoken to him. He thinks you blame him for Sasuke leaving. So, you should at least say goodbye to him."

Obito's image seemed to flicker there on the stone; the spiky black hair, the dark eyes framed by his chunky goggles. _"Being a comrade isn't just about fighting at each others side. It's about the aftermath as well. Those who abandon their comrades in times of need are worse than scum."_

The image flickered and died away. Kakashi bowed his head and closed his eyes.

_Yes, that's what he would tell me,_ he decided._ Sakura is in need… and I cravenly abandoned her._

"I'm sorry, Sakura. You're right," he turned around and smiled at her. "A team doesn't stop being a team when a mission ends. Nor does it end when someone walks away. Team seven still stands, and who knows, we may be reunited one day. It's not too late for Sasuke."

Sakura nodded sternly, not giving him the smile he expected. She turned away, her short pink hair fluttering behind her in the breeze. "I'll leave you to it."

She walked away, between the three stumps where they had completed their survival training, where he had accepted them as his students. The first and only passed group, now as tattered as the rope Naruto had been bound to the stump with.

_Sakura, you certainly have changed,_ he thought. _The first time we were here, I scolded you for obsessing over Sasuke, while Naruto was right in front of you in need of help. Now, here I am, obsessing over Obito, who is gone, while you and Naruto are here, and I ignored you both._

"Sakura," he called, without turning around.

"Yes?"

"Let's go for rahmen after Naruto leaves."

"Alright," she said, and her steps receded.

He raised his head. The morning was beginning to warm up.

"I assumed she was here because of what I said on the roof… but she didn't come for her own sake at all, she came for Naruto's," he thought aloud. "While my students have grown, what have I done? I'm still a fool, Obito."

* * *

Sakura waved to Naruto as he and Jiriaya walked out of the entry gates. As Naruto stepped out, Kakashi jumped onto the high gate and crouched there. "Hi," he said with a stiff wave.

Naruto spun around and beamed up at him. "Kakashi- Sensei! I thought you weren't coming!" He looked away and scratched his cheek, as though unconcerned whether Kakashi was there or not.

"I just got back from a mission," Kakashi said. "I would have gotten here sooner, but we rode horse back and mine got a lame leg, so I had to call out the vet."

"Really?" Naruto grumbled dubiously. "We never go out to missions with horses…"

"I saw you just an hour ago…" Sakura muttered.

I can't really blame them, he thought. I used to get mad at Obito's excuses. Now, I use them myself.

He had begun by recycling Obito's excuses, which had once made him furious to hear. Over the years he had broadened them with his own particular touch. _I wonder what you'd think of them, Obito._

"Now then," Kakashi interrupted, jumping down from his perch. "Looks like it's time to say goodbye. You've grown a lot in the past year, and I'm sure you'll grow even more under Jiriaya's care." He paused before adding. "None of what happened is your fault. Nobody could have brought Sasuke back if not for you."

Naruto looked down sadly. Kakashi ruffled his hair, but his eyes looked a little brighter when he looked up, just like the bright Konoha skies shaking off the chill of night. Kakashi moved his hand away, and said, "Hopefully you'll grow taller, as well."

Naruto's eyes bugged and he raised his arm in a fist. "Hey! What exactly are you trying to say?"

"Nothing, nothing, calm down," Kakashi said, waving his hands up and down. "Well, have a safe trip."

"Alright!" Naruto said, anger instantly forgotten. "Come on, pervy sage, let's get going!"

"I've been waiting for _you_, Naruto," Jiriaya grumbled, following at a walk whilst Naruto sprinted down the road. Kakashi watched, wondering if Jiriaya knew what he'd let himself in for.

He turned away, then paused and looked at Sakura. "So… Where did you want to eat?"

Sakura smiled. "The Ichiraku shop?"

"Whaaaat?" They turned around as a scream belted out behind them.

Naruto appeared in front of them with a speed that rivalled Rock Lee. "Sensei! You can't shout Sakura rahmen and not me!"

Sakura's eyes were narrowed, mouth hanging open as her head drooped in dismay. "Naruto… you will never change."

"Come on! I thought you wanted to go!" Jiriaya called, looking worn already.

"But we can go for ramen first, right?" Naruto called back, before turning to Kakashi with wide blue eyes and hands clasped together in front of him. "Come on, pleeeeaaaase!"

Naruto yelped as Jiriaya grabbed the back of his hood and hauled him away. "Ow! Hey!"

"Come on Naruto, the ramen shop is where I found you," Jiriaya said. "Bye Kakashi. Sakura."

Naruto pointed at Kakashi as he was tugged away, heels digging into the dirt ineffectively. "Sensei! You owe me a hot bowl of rahmen when I get back!"

"Na-ru-tooo!" Kakashi jumped as Sakura yelled after them, waving her fist in the air. "You idiot! You better get smarter while you're away!"

_Some things really don't change, _he thought._ She tells me to come and say goodbye to make him feel better, and ends up threatening him herself._

As soon as Naruto was out of sight, and hearing, Sakura's anger evaporated, and they walked in amicable silence. They were the only customers at the shop, so their food was prepared quickly.

"Kakashi-sensei? I have a question for you."

"Go ahead, Sakura."

"I was reading a book in the library about the strongest ninja's weaknesses. There's only three, right?"

"So it is said, yes," Kakashi said. "To feed their strength they weaken something else, and if the weakness becomes too great, in extreme cases it can lead to crime and destroy that ninja's strength, like a fissure in a rock."

"How so?"

"Well, that depends on which weakness they develop," he explained and counted them off on his gloved fingers. "The first is that they become hungry for power, which is perhaps the most dangerous of the three. These ninja may turn on their comrades if it will make them stronger. The second is that they seek wealth, and may sink as low as robbery. The third is women, or romance, rather. I'm sure I don't need to explain what crimes that may lead to."

"No," Sakura agreed. "But I was thinking that maybe there is a forth weakness."

"Really?" Kakashi asked, intrigued. "What might that be?"

Sakura's eyes narrowed in irritation and her head drooped. "I think that Naruto's greatest weakness is… Rahmen."

The shop owner drifted past with a stack of bowls. "Miso pork rahmen, I'd say," he asserted.

Kakashi smiled. "I think you could be right."

"Kakashi-Sensei, what's your weakness?"

"Broadcasting your own weakness would be a weakness in itself, don't you think?" he said. "In battle, the key is to detect your enemy's weakness, and exploit it, whilst concealing your own. But you can only conceal a weakness, and begin to conquer it, if you're aware of it."

"But… you don't seem to have any weakness, Kakashi-Sensei," she said with a sidelong glance. "So I guess you've conquered yours?"

_If only you knew,_ he thought with a sad smile.

"Well, it's getting late and I've got an early start tomorrow." He stood up, stretched, and began walking away.

"Hey, Kakashi-Sensei! You were meant to shout!"

Kakashi capped his ear. "You're the one shouting, I prefer not to raise my voice," he waved and kept walking. "I'm hard of hearing, by the way. That's my weakness."

"You still owe me rahmen!" She called after him.

"I'll remember my wallet next time," he promised, even as he noted the weight of it in his back pocket.

_This way you know I'm not abandoning you, _he thought. _When did I get demoted from Sensei to caterer in the eyes of my students, anyway?_

He took the road towards the Hokage's quarters, and paused at the turn off to the training grounds.

"Kakashi-Sensei?"

He glanced over his shoulder at her.

She stubbed the ground with her toe, her downcast eyes tracking the motion. "When I last spoke to Sasuke, he told me that his dreams lie in the past. That's… why he left. That's dangerous." She finally looked up. "I think sometimes you just have to let the past go. You have to live in the present, with people who are here, not the ones who are gone, right? You're the one you taught me that Sensei."

He paused. "Do you consider Sasuke as part of your past, Sakura?"

"No," she said. "He's still alive." With that she smiled and walked away.

_Sakura,_ he thought as she walked away towards the training grounds. _You knew my weakness all the time._

He set off towards the Hokage's quarters to receive his next mission.

* * *

As the sun began to abandon the sky as Kakashi approached the memorial stone. Sakura's words had nagged at him, all through the day's mission, until finally he had found himself here. He stood silently for a time, as the wind mussed his hair and the light faded. Finally, he spoke.

"My heart lies in the past; just like Sasuke. I think, to some degree, I've come to terms with that and made a new life for myself. But I can't live wholly in the present, either. Will a part of me always be there, in the past?" He touched his headband where it covered his right eye. "I changed when I was given this eye… I never realised that I left not only the fool, but a valuable part of myself behind as well."

The image of Obito floated on the memorial stone, ghost-like in the moonlight. _"You can't live with one foot in the past and one in the future. You have to let go, and train both feet in the present."_

"In the end, I know you wanted to stay a little longer. I know you didn't want to go,"

Kakashi said, eyes downcast. "I guess a part of me thinks that, by spending time here, I'm granting you that wish. But really, I'm letting down those in the present… and underestimating the advice they have to offer me." He smiled. "You know, you want the present more than I do now. Maybe I'm the one clinging to the past, and you're the one aiming for the future. How ironic.

"I realized today that your teachings have reached Naruto and Sakura. She knew the value of a team, even as I forgot." He rubbed the back of his head. "Your words reached them, from all that time ago. I guess it's true; you still live on… but not while I'm here. This isn't what you wanted me to live for. I… won't dishonour your memory by loitering anymore. I'm going to move forward, and show you the future like you wanted me to."

He looked up. "There's one thing I never said to you, Obito, through all these years. One thing I could never bring myself to say, because I didn't want to believe it was true. But it's time to say it now.

"Goodbye."

Obito's image smiled back at him, and seemed to vanish.

Kakashi turned away and walked back through Konoha. He looked his normal self, his lazy eye as perceptive as ever. People presumed he wore the headband over his eye solely to conceal the sharingan, since he couldn't turn it off like other users. But there was another reason. He touched the headband over his left eye.

It was wet.

**A/N** Thanks for reading! **Please review** and let me know what you think. If you liked it, I've done two other 1-shots for Naruto; "From Yesterday" and "From The Fall," so feel free to check them out.


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